Speaking Skills: Don’t Offend Your Audience
It happened yesterday for the first time, at least the first time I was aware of it. Someone walked out of my presentation in protest and frustration. And it happened so quickly it has taken me a little while to understand how and why is happened. I was able to recover quickly during the presentation, however it was very awkward for about 30 seconds!
It’s not easy to think about what I did to create that reaction. Certainly the other person shares some responsibility, don’t they?
To a degree, yes, people are responsible for their own reactions and the action they take as a result. However every speaker has the responsibility to do as much as we can to not offend our audience.
In retrospect, I can see how it happened. I made some comments or posed a couple of questions with which this person disagreed. There was opposition to the premise in my statements and I did not clearly define the meaning of my words. And when I tried to explain, I may have been a tad defensive myself. So instead of having someone see another point of view, I ended up pushing someone further away.
Now I’m not saying you can please everyone, or that everyone will always like what you have to say. In fact, I’m often paid to give people bad news or tell them things no one else can say. However as a speaker, when someone else disagrees with me, it’s not my job to change their minds or convince them that I am right. It’s my job to share my observations and my reasoning in a neutral fashion that gives them an opportunity to see a new perspective and possibly consider it valid. That’s really all I can do.
To the person I offend, I apologize for not paying sufficient attention to what was happening and my own reaction that escalated the situation. And thank you for the lesson I have taken away from the experience. It gives me new insight on how to handle disagreements with my audience in the future.
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Wow! That is a hard lesson, and I am not sure ever learned completely.
Last week in a bank training, the number two person in the room said something I really disagreed with. At first I asked, “Do you mind if I disagree with you?” I could tell from her face that was the wrong thing to say.
It did not work because of course she had to say “No, go ahead”. I followed with what I should have led with. “I agree with a lot of what you say, and I have another perspective on part of it.”
That allowed her to save face and allowed me to make my point.
Still…there was that tension in the way I started and I had to work to relieve that tension. Not only does it impact her and I, but anyone else with a point to make might think twice if I can’t disagree without embarrassing them.
At lunch talking with someone else, they were glad ‘I put her in her place’. YIKES. That was not my intention.
I am still working on this after 30 years as a professional presenter.
Thanks for your candid response, Linda. This one resonates with a lot of people. Sometimes it feels like my need to be right is doing battle with my professional self. It take vigilance to keep that beast at bay!
Lorraine,
I was in your April 22d audience and I thought you handled the situation well. I guess I might have said something like, “I honor your opinion, but perhaps we need to discuss the concept further with the group. How do you feel about that?”
I appreciated your presentation and aplomb.
Thanks for your feedback, Brenna. I think that’s exactly the right idea. A better approach would have been to validate the other person’s opinion and still offer other points of view. It’s not possible to control everyone’s reaction and I don’t expect everyone to agree with everything I say. However it is possible to minimize the possibility that someone will feel excluded if they feel they have not been heard. It’s a matter of respect. A professional speaker needs to continue learning and adjusting to his/her audience. Thanks again.